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Self-Confidence at Work: Six Steps to Success
When 17th-century philosopher René Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am,” he was describing the power of our thoughts and beliefs. Going a step further, we can also say, “You are what you think.”
Do you usually think, “I’m not good enough” or “I accept and like myself?”
If you answered the former, it’s time to replace those limiting beliefs. They will get you nowhere at work.
You are not alone. Many women, regardless of their upbringing, education, work experience, age, or status, have self-confidence issues at work with potential employers, managers, colleagues, and subordinates.
Feelings of insecurity sabotage our efforts. What’s worse is that we telegraph how we feel about ourselves to others, who pick up our cues and relay them back to us, thereby perpetuating these feelings.
Still doesn’t help working in a largely male dominated environment. Men still essentially own the workplace. According to Mother Jones magazine, here are some troubling statistics:
o Since orchestras began having musicians audition behind the scenes, the number of women hired increased by 20 percent.
o 86 percent of the guests on Sunday morning political talk shows are men.
o 42 percent of female executives over 40 have no children. For full-time working fathers, each child is associated with a 2.1 percent increase in earnings, while for working mothers, it’s a 2.5 percent loss!
But despite the fact that women, and especially mothers, are still discriminated against, Mother Jones also reported that companies with women in top jobs see 35% higher returns than those without.
For those of you who need some help building your self-confidence in the workplace or anywhere, here’s a six-step process you can use. It parallelizes the coaching process and keeps the focus on… yourSELF: self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-control, self-evaluation, self-advocacy and self-care.
Self-aware. Take stock of your current reality. Keep a journal and review periodically when you feel the worst about yourself. Are there emerging themes about people and situations that trigger you?
Do you break out in a cold sweat every time you have to present something to a group or ask for something you want? Do you suddenly draw a blank when an interviewer asks you to describe your best asset? Document, not only where your self-confidence dips but also when it peaks. When do you feel most confident?
Finally, take a global view. Explore how you see yourself, how others see you, how you want to be seen, and how you need to be seen to be effective. Check out all the results for insights. A sales coordinator noticed that her “annoyance” at everyone at work was pervasive … and a cover for feelings of powerlessness and sadness that she didn’t feel confident enough to express.
Self-acceptance. Let go of negative self-talk. The “I’m not good enough” conversation is the fastest way to feel trapped and paint yourself into a corner.
Does office politics drive you crazy? Do you worry about what other people think? Say this every day: “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
Everyone has fears, doubts and things they want to change about themselves. Feel them, acknowledge them, but deal with them. Start turning negative self-talk into positive affirmations: Say it in the mirror daily: “I am a talented, capable person who deserves the best.” Corny, but it works!
What other small things can you begin to accept about yourself? A working photographer with a slow recovery from a serious illness who needs to find work. He had to build a new perspective, so he set a motivational goal that captured his acceptance of the situation: “To make more of me.”
Self-control. Accept your responsibility for your life and your career. The work environment leaves little leeway for emotionally driven exchanges that are usually unproductive. To be most effective, learn how not to react. Separate emotions from thoughts and actions so you can freely navigate who you’re with or what you’re feeling.
It takes practice. A good resource is Daniel Goleman’s book, “Working with Emotional Intelligence.” “EQ” has proven to be twice as important as predictors of success in the workplace than IQ, technical expertise, or leadership training.
One teacher had some issues that prevented her from interacting effectively with her colleagues and the principal. In addition, the demands of the new job overwhelmed him. Differentiating between her issues and real workplace problems, identifying her triggers, and then working on her communication and boundaries helped her keep her job, ask for what she wanted, and work well.
Self-evaluation. What are your passions, strengths, talents, values, styles, wants and needs? Take some time to reflect and write as much as you can in each area. Are these found in the workplace?
Many tools and assessments exist to help you figure these out. By using these tools, a market research analyst gets clarity on his strengths and weaknesses. She also discovered some new passions and talents that she had neglected. This helped increase his awareness, confidence and effectiveness, as he changed workplaces and started new jobs. His goal was, “Double confidence and respect at work.”
Ask yourself: If I had no limitations like fear or money, what would I want to do?
Creating a detailed, specific, and inspiring vision of where you want to be will help you achieve this. For example, if you are coveting that management job, imagine yourself already there… what are you feeling? What kind of work are you doing? Who do you work with/for? What’s the difference? Visualizations are a powerful tool for creating abundance in your life, as well as reducing anxiety and building self-confidence.
Self-advocate. Now that you know who you are and what you want, take control! Set concrete, realistic goals and create and follow a step-by-step plan to achieve them. Setting goals can be part of your company’s performance review process, but these are on a very personal level.
Promote yourself; Put your intentions there. Every conversation is an opportunity. “Nothing dared, nothing gained.”
Sir Isaac Newton’s first law is, “A body at rest remains at rest, but a body in motion remains in motion.” The more action you take, the more positive reinforcement you get, and the more likely you are to stay on task until you achieve your goal! Develop a solid, well-planned strategy for meeting your workplace goals that includes marketing yourself and building and maintaining momentum.
An architect realized that no matter how much he advocated for himself at his current job, the work environment was toxic and his self-esteem was slowly eroding. Although she decided to leave, her insecurities spilled over into her interviews and she was too nervous to promote herself effectively.
Changing his thinking about how he saw himself, his abilities and how he saw his abilities helped him move forward. She thought about where she felt confident in her life and then applied it to her current situation. Gradually, she began to feel more powerful in interviews and this helped her market successfully. Finally, she got a job where she could spread her wings and feel appreciated. His goal was to “get my brilliant career back on track”.
Self care. It is important to respect yourself. Treat yourself as you would like others to treat you, with an emphasis on “treatment.” When you tell others that you respect yourself, they will respect you.
An actuary set the goal of “treating yourself as a client” to motivate him to approach his finances with the same care and attention he gives to his clients.
When you reach your goal, pat yourself on the back – and set another one. Acknowledging your achievements boosts self-confidence. And positive self-talk is a component of self-care.
How will you reward yourself when you reach your goals? Remember, you are what you think. Changing your mindset from “I can’t to “I can’t” to being clear about who you are and what you want, taking responsibility for your career, setting goals, achieving them and taking action, and rewarding yourself for even the smallest milestones can do wonders. . For your confidence… and your success in the workplace!
“He is able who thinks he is able.” Buddha
© 2006 Crossroads Consulting Group. All rights reserved.
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