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A Formula of Effective Communication
Why are some people more successful than others in their personal lives and in their professional environment? Some people are probably very successful at home, have good relations with their husbands and children, but have many communication problems in their office: problems with bosses, but good relations with colleagues, or vice versa, good relations with bosses, but conflicts with other managers and subordinates. with Some have again built a good relationship at the office at the expense of their marriage and family life: spending too much time at the office and feeling neglected and left behind by the family at home.
The root cause of the problem is communication or to be more precise: effective communication. It’s actually surprising how much communication is going well most of the time. However, if communication becomes a problem, the question is: What went wrong? Usually remains an unanswered question. There are many books, articles and websites devoted to the problems of communication. Some provide scientific evidence of communication barriers and obstacles, but leave the reader to explore practical solutions. More practically oriented recipes are difficult to implement due to lack of time and practice. For example the trait assertiveness: It has become common knowledge that it is important to be assertive in everyday life. But if a person is introverted by nature, how can one be assertive? On top of personality (extrovert vs. introvert), there is the issue of culture: people in some countries are less extroverted than others.
Wouldn’t it be great to have a simple formula for effective communication that can be used in all situations? I think the following formula will be useful:
Effective communication =
Selfishness + other’s interest – interfering factors
EC = SI + IO – DF
Let’s look at the three elements of this formula.
When people communicate, self-interest can be the main reason for communication. They are more interested in their own interests than in the interests of others. The above formula can actually be simplified by simply saying that communication equals self-interest. Because of this, communication is rarely effective because one does not try to find common ground in the interaction processes but only seeks a way to satisfy some short-term interests. The most important problem in communication is asymmetry. The two parties in question have different agendas and different interests which are further complicated by the disparity of knowledge, power and authority. For this reason, negotiation skills and strategy have become a very important feature of modern civilization. In the olden days, physical strength was the deciding factor in forcing the other party to compromise. Because of civilization, consensus can now be reached through communication. This civilizing process is basically a change from a “command and control” communication culture to a “negotiation and persuasion” culture.
This shift has placed greater emphasis on the ability to communicate effectively with each other both verbally and non-verbally. It also refers to good education in which the development of communication skills has become the backbone of modern education. Already at a young age one needs to be able to express one’s thoughts clearly in class presentations, essays, reports and not to mention various types of theses in tertiary academic settings.
interest of others
The interest of others has been perhaps the most important issue in many textbooks about effective communication. The ability to listen, receive and respond, control anger (“anger management”), conflict resolution, stress management, etc., have been discussed at length by many writers, scholars, management trainers, etc.
With the development of information technology and the ability to trade goods and services in cyberspace, the problem of covering the interests of others has become more important. True globalization has already taken place in cyberspace where a global 24 hour economy has been created where everyone is exchanging goods, services and information around the world.
Everyone has become a customer! It is important to see the needs of others as your customers. This marketing concept was first used in transactional settings, but was introduced in learning institutions and has now become an important concept in all corners of life.
The issue of discovering other people’s interests has also permeated non-scientific ‘tools’ such as astrology, numerology and tarot cards. Before the discovery of these tools, many scientific tools were (and still are) offered by psychologists, including psychoanalysis, conversation analysis, transaction analysis, and various treatments that can be effective according to the client’s wishes. Take it seriously or not.
How to discover the interests of others? This requires a proactive approach from both sides. Two strategies can be useful. The first strategy is called the PAIR acceptance strategy: Placate (listen, empathize, respond with concern); attend (to another); Investigate (details the circumstances of the case); Resolve (decide on action to take). The second strategy is called the five-step method: listen, respond, decide on action, take action and follow up.
The third element of effective communication is perhaps the most difficult: how to eliminate distractions or overcome communication barriers. There are basically six types of barriers between people communicating with each other: differences in perception, false filtering, language problems, impaired hearing, different emotional states, and different backgrounds. To overcome these obstacles, one must be willing to avoid selective perception, reduce messages to the bare essentials, use specific and precise words as possible, always verify one’s interpretation of what is being said, be aware of one’s own feelings. When you communicate with others, and try to control them.
Communication barriers also exist in organizations. Although all communication is subject to misunderstandings, business communication is especially difficult. Barriers can be caused by: information overload, message complexity, message competition, different positions, lack of trust, inadequate communication structure, wrong choice of medium, closed communication environment, unethical communication, inefficient communication, and physical distraction.
There are three distinct moments that can cause many communication breakdowns in organizations; During negotiations, dealing with clients, and holding meetings. When you are negotiating, psychological barriers may arise. These psychological barriers may be yours or the other party’s. Be aware that people carry some of these barriers and ‘listen’ for their effects. Look for their cues in the other party (and in yourself) and use your communication skills to minimize or mitigate these barriers. Dealing with customers, in turn, can be very difficult because some customers are difficult to please and difficult situations can arise. If a high level of service is not provided, the result will not only be a loss of business, but an increase in the number of often difficult and abusive customers. They are not lost yet. Deal with them professionally.
The negotiation process, ultimately, reveals a fundamental tension between claims and the creation of value. Value claimants see negotiation as a purely adversarial process. Each side strides to try to claim as limited a pie as possible while giving as little as possible to the other side. Each side claims value using manipulative tactics, coercive arguments, limited concessions, and hard bargaining. Value creators, in contrast, call for a process that yields joint benefits to each party. They try to create more benefits for each side in the negotiation. They emphasize shared interests, developing a collaborative relationship, and communicating in a pleasant and supportive manner.
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